39 Years, 1 Important Lesson
When I truly sit and think about being 39, there are so many things that come to mind. Life definitely does not look like what I thought it would as a child and I am actually grateful for that. To think I wanted to be married with two kids and own a brownstone. I am realizing that I am still learning so much of who I am, and as someone who tends to engulf themselves in relationships, when would I really get to deep dive into who Fabiola was, is, and continues to grow into being. One thing I have become more and more aware of, in what is the last year of my thirties is how society has prepared you for your teens, your 20’s and your 30’s, but where is that support for people going into their 40’s.
As I started to really think about what I want for my 40’s, I realize its no one telling me what to do and how to do it, other than the big spirit upstairs. So it dawns on me that that is why there is no real guide to the 40’s because we are all on the “fuck you” energy and ready to define it for ourselves. It’s either that or “What the fuck am I doing”.
What I always looked forward to as a kid was becoming one of those older gray haired women who didn’t care what anybody had to say about them or how they choose to live their lives. Because as a young, first generation child, everything was always up for discussion, dissection, ridicule or judgement. Why are you wearing that, why are you hanging out with those kids, why do you talk like that and the questions go on and on. Never quite feeling like you could be yourself but having to wear layers of what society, your culture, and your parents thought was for you. But the wildest thing to me is the fact that only you truly know whats best for you.
How do you learn to embrace your true self when the world simultaneously tells you that you're not enough?
You don’t.
You eventually learn how to silence the world, so much so that it slowly starts to sound like a nagging child.
With this age, you learn that your voice is so much louder, even when you’re quiet.
